If you’ve spent any amount of time destroying the good, human part of your brain watching TikTok or YouTube, especially if either apps have determined that you’re a dad, you’ve seen these videos of people stuffing, damaging, and sinking their boats on Florida’s Haulover Inlet.
What exactly makes this spot so dangerous? Right where the inlet meets the ocean, the tide is taking water out and the wind is blowing it back in. That causes big waves, which combined with some natural obstacles, make the area dangers.
The videos are really everywhere, I assume they make up most of the non-Hunter Biden content on Facebook. Judging by the number of channels pumping them out, there must be a dozen or so people filming this Inlet, and nearby Boca Inlet, at all times, just waiting for a captain to have a momentary lapse in judgment and be thrust into battle with the furious sea. It’s good content and as a certified Dad who is prone to dissociating, I have watched an awful lot of it.
The videos are classic YouTube foder: You’re watching people, often rich people, screw up and embarrass themselves in public. This produces a sense of unease, or dread, which becomes enjoyable because ultimately, it’s not your problem and you don’t have to deal with the consequences.
But, what if by some chance you found yourself in a Boston Whaler, headed through the famous inlet and out to sea? Would you be humiliated? Would TikTok-addicted boat Dads pass their phone around to their buddies, so they could watch you desperately fling your kids and coolers into a bigger, non-sinking boat with a Fuck Joe Biden flag on it? Would you watch the face of your beloved spouse, who probably didn’t love the idea of getting a boat in the first place, go from terror, relief at the sight of the other boat, to despair? Over and over, on Tik Tok?
Or would you be one of the pilots who somehow deftly modulates the throttle and steers quietly through the inlet, borne atop the waves like a king carried aloft in his litter? Who knows?
But, naturally, there are people who will tell you how to do it the right way. Like these two mega-chill guys:
Basically, it looks like the keys to making it through, especially in a smaller boat are:
- Keep an eye on conditions, it may not be a good time to make the passage.
- Put passengers/weight toward the back of the boat so they’re not bouncing around.
- Stay out of the center of the inlet, stick to the sides where the waves aren’t as big. Different captains prefer the North or South sides, but it sounds like either side is better than the middle.
- Trim the bow up and go slow.
If that’s not enough, here’s the official guide to navigating the inlet, from the inlet itself.
I haven’t taken boating safety since it was required in elementary school and I’ve never been on a boat in Miami, so this may not be correct. I’m sure someone will help me out in the comments if that’s the case.