Honda Civic Si, BMW F800GS, Porsche 911 Targa Limo: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

When a vehicle ad opens with that vehicle’s name, you know you’re looking at something lovingly maintained. A vehicle that’s been named is one that’s been loved, cared for, spruced up to stay at its best. This, then, is no ordinary Ural — this is Zoya.

Do you name your cars? I never seem to settle on one before I get bored of the car itself and sell it off. Maybe my current BMW is deserving of a name, but I’ll have to wait for the right one to come along. You, on the contrary, do not — you can simply buy Zoya and have your named vehicle ready to go.

The seller describes the make and model of this replica as a “VW Bugatti.” Really, you could make the argument that all Bugattis are VW Bugattis, but that only flies for the modern cars — this one is a replica of a vehicle from about two Bugatti corporations ago. You can thank the business world for that sentence.

But, as a replica, this is quite an interesting one. Volkswagen running gear, with its decades of enthusiasm and incredible scale of aftermarket parts, is likely more reliable than any period-correct Bugatti mill. If you want a retro racer that you could drive to work (almost) daily, this may be your best bet.

It’s been a minute since we’ve had a good EM1 Civic Si here on Dopest. They were a fixture of the slides a few months ago, but fewer and fewer have been popping up for sale. Maybe every owner has simply been taking advantage of the summer driving season, going out and using their Sis rather than selling them. Can’t blame them for that one.

This particular Si, however, looks like it’s barely been driven at all. It has 170,000 miles, sure, but you wouldn’t guess it from the car’s condition. No fog on the headlights, not a speck of dirt in the interior or under the hood. If not for some wear on the steering wheel, you’d never guess this Civic was ever driven.

Trafficators! That’s right, this Riley has the most sought-after feature in all of Jalopdom: Illuminated turn signal flags that emerge from the pillars. You can keep your engines, wheels, and seats — all I need are trafficators.

You better be as enthusiastic for these little indicators as I am, because this Riley doesn’t have much else in terms of features. The engine is in pieces, in need of a new piston — and who knows what else, given that level of damage. The seller claims to have parts en route from England, but also isn’t sure that they’ll arrive. This is what we call “buying from the forums.”

I love modified car ads that give you zero detail on the work that’s been done. You get to go on a little adventure, reverse-engineering all the mods to figure out what’s been changed; like an I-Spy book for gearheads. Let’s play along on this Forester XT.

From this side shot, we see WRX wheels — meaning the stock 5x100 bolt pattern has been retained — but lowered suspension and a Cobb sticker on the rear window. The next photo shows us an STi-badged grille, possibly off the Japanese Forester STi that never made its way stateside. The rear has a classic Subaru “The world is flat” sticker, along with a suspiciously protruding exhaust. Perhaps that’s where the Cobb sticker came from.

Inside, things look bone stock aside from the Accessport — another contender for Cobb sticker source. But it’s the last phot, the engine bay, where things really get interesting. We see coilover top hats a Cobb intake, an aftermarket radiator, and — what’s that — an STi intercooler. Those don’t usually bolt up to lesser EJ engines, meaning this could be a genuine EJ257 swap. It’s clearly not a full STi drivetrain, given the wheels, but this Forester has likely seen some serious work.

Hell yeah, brother. What happened to purple flames? Cars used to have purple flames over black paint. Now, muscle cars are so concerned about looking “girly” that they don’t do purple any more. We used to be a country, a proper country.

It’s just a color. A particularly good color, in my opinion, when it’s draped over the front end of a ‘68 Camaro. The seller calls these “Purple Ghost Flames” — does that not sound rad as hell? Bring back purple on cars. Please.

Same hat! This is nearly identical to my own F800GS — the same year, trim level, even the color is identical. Only this GS is wearing an extra four figures in mods, many of which I want on my bike. Wanna pick this one up, and tell me which ones are worth it?

This GS has Mitas enduro tires, rear side and top luggage racs, an aftermarket seat, paint protection stickers, crash bars, a skit pan, bar risers, hand guards, an $850 windshield, and plenty more. Also, no one buffed through the F800GS stickers to apply a vinyl wrap, so that’s a plus.

Remember when minivans were unassuming? Compact, practical family haulers, that didn’t boast or pretend to anything else? I miss those days, before Siennas had Supra fenders and Pacificas could eclipse $60,000. I miss this old Odyssey.

Nothing fancy, nothing fast. Just seven cloth seats, which have shuttled the same owner around since 2001. You likely won’t find a cleaner 22-year-old minivan, and no one’s likely to make a car so unassuming again.

I’ve waxed poetic about Honda’s HRC liveries in Dopest before, but this may be the first time we’ve had Repsol colors in the slides. That’s a shame — the red and orange stripes have found themselves between the legs of some of MotoGP’s finest. If you’re two-wheel-curious, and you hear the name Marc Márquez, picture this paint.

Of course, while nothing will quite match the experience of Márquez’s RC213V, this CBR600RR is no slouch either. If you’re merely curious about life on two wheels, this would not be a bike I’d recommend to you. That’s not gatekeeping — I just don’t want to see this thing wheelie itself right over onto you.

Just a van. Just a good van. What more do you need? Are you so insistent on excess, on having more, that the Astro isn’t enough for you?

Why not? Is it the sealed beams, the fuel economy, the styling? What needs do you have that the Astro can’t fulfill? Who hurt you so badly that you now feel this incessant need for something else, something bigger and better and brighter and shinier?

Here I was, fully planning to make that blue GS the header photo for the sheer amusement of it all, when this thing crossed my Craigslist browsing. Word by word, it drew me in.

“1974" — I do love the seventies.

“Porsche” — Classic 911, I’m into it.

“911" — Yeah, that’s pretty much redundant at this point.

“Targa” — Ooh, okay, now it’s getting interesting.

“Limousine” — Ha ha, what?

Apparently this limo was built for the founder of Benihana, a restaurant to which I’ve never been but about which I’ve heard so much. Nothing, however, that would explain the creation of a vehicle like this. I do not get it, I do not want to get it, but I am glad it exists.

“This car is like if The Batmobile and Mad Max had a baby,” claims the seller of this T-top Trans Am. The Bandit Trans Am is a curious omission here, being actually based on a ‘77 Trans Am (dressed up like a ‘78 for the cameras), and I do wonder if the seller realizes that Mad Max is a human character — not a car. Still, if you shoved Tom Hardy, Mel Gibson, and the Batmobile into a blender, you may well get something like this.

It sounds like this Pontiac’s engine has had something of a blend itself, because it no longer functions. The car needs to be towed, and it needs a new heart to replace the blown Pontiac 400 sitting under (well, mostly under) its hood.

Ten years later, and look how much cars changed. The 944 still shares some hard edges with the Trans Am — the latter car led into the ‘80s as much as the former is leaving them — but there are now more complexities to the design than any Mad Max Interceptor replica.

The detail on the beltline, the spoiler that swoops down from around the rear glass. The fine lettering spelling P O R S C H E along the rear bumper. Those wheels are circles within circles within circles. People complain that cars are too complex now, too over-styled, but we’ve been on this path for longer than anyone remembers.

You think those are Wats you’re seeing? The RS Watanabe is an icon of Japanese tuner culture, a wheel that’s found its way to seemingly every single chassis, but these are not RS Watanabes. See, Wats were always replicas — much like these classic Japanese roadsters aped Triumphs and MGs, the Watanabe mimicked the Minilite. These wheels, from Shelby, did the same.

The wheels weren’t the only thing Japan borrowed from Britain, however. Like Triumphs and MGs, these Datsun roadsters are lightweight, compact, and have just enough power to be interesting. Only, unlike British roadsters, Datsuns don’t have electrical systems that rely on a precisely-tuned ratio of swears to smoke.

Has any car ever had eyebrows more than the Lada Niva? The 7-series comes close, but even those read as eyes at first glance. With the Niva, there’s no question — the headlights are eyes, the indicators are eyebrows.

They’re even upturned in the center, giving the little Lada a slightly bewildered look. It’s not fully sure how it got here either, but it’s just trying to do a good job. I, for one, think it’s succeeding. Just look at the little guy.